So, life is most interesting when it takes a right hand turn when you are going straight. God in all of God's wisdom is gracious and kind. Praise Allah. Thank you God. Just when a person thinks they might be going out of their mind, when you pray, "Dear God, help me here", and step back and let God get on it, well, amazing things happen. Might not be exactly what you thought was a good answer, but God moves in amazing ways.
So where is all this leading? Well, after being "Best of the Best" for Frito in February, less than a month later, I was suspended and terminated. Caught me waaay off guard, sort of. My prayers to God had included, "Dear God, PLEASE get me off this truck before I do something crazy" and my prayers were answered. again, not exactly like I thought, but hey, who am I to argue with God? or God's will?
So in Crazy Land, or more closely Frito Land, when you request, then DEMAND accomodation under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) you get fired. Question: Is this legal? Answer: Not so much. Especially when the termination is for something that you were taught to do by your former manager, who is now dead from a car accident, so he can not either confirm or deny that's what he taught you to do. complicated? not so much. I was taught to take product from inventory by doing a zero dollar ticket. ie: take a bag in, then defect it out. This is the standard way to get out of date product from truck or bin inventory (out of date product is a BIG no-no, it means you screwed up & weren't rotating properly or ordered wrong). So to get it out of inventory, you create a zero dollar ticket for a cash customer. Standard practice. EXCEPT if you are a pain in the ass and demanding your rights AND are an agressive female AND you are over 50 (ALL considered a "protected class") so what the hell, right?
I was suspended from my route on April Fool's Day...now why does that seem appropriate somehow? Then terminated the following Monday. I guess the management (read Zone Manager, bloated bag of ego, Tony Klote - ouch... is that a lack of respect? ) Poor Tony, he's gonna get the worst of it, but I imagine there will be fall out when all of this is said & done. I hope my boss, Monty doesn't get too much shit - I warned him that when the shit hits the fan, he's the one standing closest to it - I guess it was my way of telling him to document everything, on how he was acting on Tony's instruction, since that's where the blame lies. Tony doesn't like assertive (or agressive) women - I guess he must have a castration complex - you know, where all agressive women are coming at the boy parts with a knife... and it would really explain why his #2, Sandy Hance, who seems like a nice woman, always seemed to give me a "mixed message" - I had a hard time getting a read on her - but then I recognized what it was - passive-aggressive behavior on her part. Passive as hell around Tony, her real self when she wasn't. I didn't know what was up until all this blew through. Had several "epiphanys" - (moments of enlightenment).
Anyway - during the time I was suspended (prior to termination) Frito gave me the opportunity to get on line & do a little research. Seems that to terminate a person when they are requesting accomodation is called "retaliation" and is quite illegal for a company to do. Again, my thought, Tony Klote is dumb as a box of rocks. but I was wrong, he's DUMBER than a box of rocks. Where the hell was personnel? Human resources.. whatever. so the blame for his stupidity really should rise upwards. (again an epiphany - ahh, whose fault is it anyway?) where is HR in this? where's Tony's boss in this?
well, we shall see....
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Testosterone and the Frito Empire
I work in a particularly Masuline environment. and yes "the Masculine" needs to be capitalized. There are 125+ route sales reps (these are numbered routes, the swing or weekend person is not named). Of the 125 named route reps, there are 4 women. yes, I said four. In the name of diversity and inclusiveness, I was informed by our human resources manager for this half of the US, that governement standard for this portion of our industry is 5% female. So we only need to have 6 women in the route workforce to meet minimum, and that to do more than that could invite a lawsuit. Gosh it's good to work at a place where the motto should be, "We do as Little as Possible". So understanding that I am outnumbered by gender 30 to 1, this entry is dedicated to the testosterone levels of my reality.
It goes as high as the vp for the area. His morale booster is the story of the college professor introducing his overachieving students to the concept of "The Big Rocks". This parable has the professor place large stones into a glass jar and asking the class if the container is full. When the class shouts, "yes", he proceeds to place gravel into the jar. Is it full? no. The teacher places sand into the jar. Full yet? no. As a final demonstration, the professor fills the jar with water. Now the jar is full. The moral of the story, you have to start with the big rocks first. So what does this have to do with potato chips? You got me. I have yet to figure out how a story that focuses on the important things in life, your family, your children, your significant other, what has that to do with potato chips? Now for the testosterone spin. We are urged to think of our big rocks in our job. accompanied by a picture of a rock that looks like an erect penis. when I asked to have a different picture rather than that phallic looking thing, it got giggles from the men in the meeting. even worse, in my neck of the woods, "Big Rocks" refers to testicles. "Y'all got some big rocks to be trying that... " We are having a round table with the vp that thinks this is an important point in goal setting, his "Big Rocks" campaign. I wonder what he will think if I tell him during the round table that big rocks refers to a man's "boy parts" and that last time I checked, I didn't come equipped with those. for God's sake, use some stupid sports analogy, would ya!
Then in the grandest display of male peacockery, we have the "Market Tour". In the insult to my feminine integrity, the men go forth and take all the temporary displays and put them out, filled to brim with chips for a 15 minute tour by upper management. This display of "Mine is Bigger" can take 3 days to set up, taking my manager out of the field, the route specialist out of the field, and all the cardboard for displays out of our district. The cost of hotel rooms, food, gas to get to a remote area, all for a "Mine is Bigger" extravaganza. A Dog and Pony show. and I'm supposed to respect upper management that doesn't ask a key question. Just one simple question, please. "How much does this account sell in a week?" at all the accounts that they tour. so if the Dollar General has a $4000 display sitting on the sidewalk when they sell $300 a week, that may be a bad, BAD use of our scarce resources. ya think? especially when those chips sitting outside start to sprout legs and walk away.
have I ranted about this before? I guess the idea of a presidential round table has gotten me all riled up again.
I guess I'm just a frustrated old woman who gets entirely irritated when I am ignored. I came back from a broken arm. told them in March of 2008 that "This is NOT the route I bid" - and gave them a list of the stores that had closed and the lost revenue to the route. Then I got to argue in Jan 09 with the same hr guy about my income and was told that it was "below Frito standard" - well, No Shit Sherlock. That would be the point of telling the zone manager, the zone business manager and my district manager in March 08. Told them there was a safety issue - was ignored and tripped. blew out my knee. my fault? I think not. I have been telling management that I need assistance in down loading the 14 foot tall stacks of chips - that the lifting to down load puts too much stress on the plates in my arms. Using the "bin stick" - a pole with a hook, to download only works if you don't use it much. Continual use of the bin stick is causing tendonitis in my elbows and carpal tunnel in my wrist. I need assistance because I have 3 plates and a dozen screws in my left arm, and I am very grateful to have it, since a hook is just SO unattractive on a woman. When asking for help, I am told that I can't have it. When I inform my district manager and the zone manager that, OH YES I CAN have some help under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), also known as an accomodation, they act like it's a big surprise that I'm not 100%. Dear God Almighty. I have never, ever said I was 100% upon my return to work from the broken arm. I told them right up front that I was handicapped. They told me that if I couldn't do the job that I'd better go back to disability. Well at the time, my inventory was stored in a trailer on Skid Row. That's right, the name of the street was Skid Row. old man Turner sure had a sense of humor. The city has since renamed it Turner Parkway. anyway, the trailer had an 8' ceiling. no worries about product being stacked 15 feet in the air here. So I worked away until we moved into our new facility. Now there's a problem. I just cannot downlift 50 pounds over my head. It puts too much pressure on the plates. The muscles bunch up and catch at the edge of the plates and cause a cross between a muscle spasm, a cramp and a charlie horse in the arm. When I try to shake it out, it makes a tendon in the wrist catch on a screw. no winning here. What I need is some help for about 15 minutes, one day a week. Official response? "We can't do that for you since we would have to do it for everyone". ok you dumb jackasses. how about you only do it for people with 3 plates and a dozen screws in their arm? again. Dear God Almighty. Please help me with the ignorant, for they are stupid beyond belief. so I am looking at a worker's comp claim for tendonitis and carpal tunnel when I have notified my management about a safety issue. and it will be my fault for continuing with the bin stick when I know it causes a problem. so my option is to just pull everything down and let it fall on the floor. I guess. I am thinking it's a testosterone, thinking inside the box issue. I am going to notify the zone safety manager this week and let him know there's a problem. no winning here. just stubborn male insistance on everything being the way it was in 1960. when there wasn't anything as ridiculous as women working as route sales reps. hmmp. women should be home baking cookies for goodness sakes. they should know better than trying to do a man's job. they get what they deserve. there are men out there that need this job so they can support their families. oh yeah, it's there. I feel it. I know they are thinking it. God is punishing me for being Prideful and Stubborn. yep stubborn as hell. I won't let these sons of bitches keep me from this job. even though Frito management has tried from the very start to get me to quit. but that's another day's entry.
It goes as high as the vp for the area. His morale booster is the story of the college professor introducing his overachieving students to the concept of "The Big Rocks". This parable has the professor place large stones into a glass jar and asking the class if the container is full. When the class shouts, "yes", he proceeds to place gravel into the jar. Is it full? no. The teacher places sand into the jar. Full yet? no. As a final demonstration, the professor fills the jar with water. Now the jar is full. The moral of the story, you have to start with the big rocks first. So what does this have to do with potato chips? You got me. I have yet to figure out how a story that focuses on the important things in life, your family, your children, your significant other, what has that to do with potato chips? Now for the testosterone spin. We are urged to think of our big rocks in our job. accompanied by a picture of a rock that looks like an erect penis. when I asked to have a different picture rather than that phallic looking thing, it got giggles from the men in the meeting. even worse, in my neck of the woods, "Big Rocks" refers to testicles. "Y'all got some big rocks to be trying that... " We are having a round table with the vp that thinks this is an important point in goal setting, his "Big Rocks" campaign. I wonder what he will think if I tell him during the round table that big rocks refers to a man's "boy parts" and that last time I checked, I didn't come equipped with those. for God's sake, use some stupid sports analogy, would ya!
Then in the grandest display of male peacockery, we have the "Market Tour". In the insult to my feminine integrity, the men go forth and take all the temporary displays and put them out, filled to brim with chips for a 15 minute tour by upper management. This display of "Mine is Bigger" can take 3 days to set up, taking my manager out of the field, the route specialist out of the field, and all the cardboard for displays out of our district. The cost of hotel rooms, food, gas to get to a remote area, all for a "Mine is Bigger" extravaganza. A Dog and Pony show. and I'm supposed to respect upper management that doesn't ask a key question. Just one simple question, please. "How much does this account sell in a week?" at all the accounts that they tour. so if the Dollar General has a $4000 display sitting on the sidewalk when they sell $300 a week, that may be a bad, BAD use of our scarce resources. ya think? especially when those chips sitting outside start to sprout legs and walk away.
have I ranted about this before? I guess the idea of a presidential round table has gotten me all riled up again.
I guess I'm just a frustrated old woman who gets entirely irritated when I am ignored. I came back from a broken arm. told them in March of 2008 that "This is NOT the route I bid" - and gave them a list of the stores that had closed and the lost revenue to the route. Then I got to argue in Jan 09 with the same hr guy about my income and was told that it was "below Frito standard" - well, No Shit Sherlock. That would be the point of telling the zone manager, the zone business manager and my district manager in March 08. Told them there was a safety issue - was ignored and tripped. blew out my knee. my fault? I think not. I have been telling management that I need assistance in down loading the 14 foot tall stacks of chips - that the lifting to down load puts too much stress on the plates in my arms. Using the "bin stick" - a pole with a hook, to download only works if you don't use it much. Continual use of the bin stick is causing tendonitis in my elbows and carpal tunnel in my wrist. I need assistance because I have 3 plates and a dozen screws in my left arm, and I am very grateful to have it, since a hook is just SO unattractive on a woman. When asking for help, I am told that I can't have it. When I inform my district manager and the zone manager that, OH YES I CAN have some help under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), also known as an accomodation, they act like it's a big surprise that I'm not 100%. Dear God Almighty. I have never, ever said I was 100% upon my return to work from the broken arm. I told them right up front that I was handicapped. They told me that if I couldn't do the job that I'd better go back to disability. Well at the time, my inventory was stored in a trailer on Skid Row. That's right, the name of the street was Skid Row. old man Turner sure had a sense of humor. The city has since renamed it Turner Parkway. anyway, the trailer had an 8' ceiling. no worries about product being stacked 15 feet in the air here. So I worked away until we moved into our new facility. Now there's a problem. I just cannot downlift 50 pounds over my head. It puts too much pressure on the plates. The muscles bunch up and catch at the edge of the plates and cause a cross between a muscle spasm, a cramp and a charlie horse in the arm. When I try to shake it out, it makes a tendon in the wrist catch on a screw. no winning here. What I need is some help for about 15 minutes, one day a week. Official response? "We can't do that for you since we would have to do it for everyone". ok you dumb jackasses. how about you only do it for people with 3 plates and a dozen screws in their arm? again. Dear God Almighty. Please help me with the ignorant, for they are stupid beyond belief. so I am looking at a worker's comp claim for tendonitis and carpal tunnel when I have notified my management about a safety issue. and it will be my fault for continuing with the bin stick when I know it causes a problem. so my option is to just pull everything down and let it fall on the floor. I guess. I am thinking it's a testosterone, thinking inside the box issue. I am going to notify the zone safety manager this week and let him know there's a problem. no winning here. just stubborn male insistance on everything being the way it was in 1960. when there wasn't anything as ridiculous as women working as route sales reps. hmmp. women should be home baking cookies for goodness sakes. they should know better than trying to do a man's job. they get what they deserve. there are men out there that need this job so they can support their families. oh yeah, it's there. I feel it. I know they are thinking it. God is punishing me for being Prideful and Stubborn. yep stubborn as hell. I won't let these sons of bitches keep me from this job. even though Frito management has tried from the very start to get me to quit. but that's another day's entry.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Rise and Fall of the Frito Empire
Sorry to keep harping on the Rise and Fall of the Frito Empire. When you work 60 hours a week, it tends to dominate a person's thought process. I've worked lots of hours for myself, so the long days seem normal... it's working long hours for so little money that's got my nose out of whack. of course, working for myself was long hours and little pay, but at least I felt like I was building for myself, not for a bunch of out of touch upper managers. Out of touch. yes. I think every manger above a district manager (who actually does physical work with his reps), should spend one day every quarter out in the stores. A person not actively touching product during the course of his day should get out from behind their desk and go see what it's like in the field. the Front Line. (again, 2 words, not one). you know where people get dirty. gosh, that means a manicure could get messed up! and not during a freakin' dog & phony show....err, make that dog and pony show - although both accurately describe the ordeal. you know, the circus, dogs running around jumping through hoops, phonies...err ponies galloping around in circles. darn fingers keep wanting to call it a phony show.... Freudian slip I guess, but it is an accurate assessment of the situation. The Frito term is "Market Tour". what a bunch of crap. What happens is a WHOLE bunch of product is shipped into customer locations, tons and tons of displays are set up, upper managers walk through in about 10 minutes and then go eat or play golf. again, what a bunch of crap. The management logic, "team building", "getting product to market", "impacting quarter end numbers". blah, blah, blah, blah. talk about letting the cheerleaders lead the company. When a Senior Vice President of Sales doesn't have the intelligence to ask, "So, how much does this store sell in a week?" while looking at a display that holds 4 months worth of product....for example, a small Dollar General, with towers of displays on the sidewalk, you know, the display that holds $10,000 worth of chips. and the store sells $800 a week, on a good week, with a major holiday. on the sidewalk, where someone has to guard the product to avoid it sprouting legs & walking away. Is that a male thing or what... "Mine is bigger than yours...". and it happens all the time, all over the country. The latest from here in Mid Missouri was 3rd quarter (approximately) 2008. It took all the managers, all extra help, all our temporary displays (the cardboard towers) and shipped everything off to the "bootheel" portion of Missouri for 4 days. So there was hotel bills, restaurant bills, expense reports, PLUS all of our displays for our district, my route, were gone and were not replaced since we were in a budget crunch due to the recession. Recession and we're spending money like drunken sailors to put product out for display for senior vps that should know better. The displays are trash once they are used. PERIOD. to even suggest that they be taken down and used again is beyond ignorant. and that's what happened - "use them again". yeah, right. cardboard tears and potato chips are GREASY. hello? anyone home in logical land? oh, yeah, that's right "Crazy Land." Chapter 3. title: "Dog & Phony Shows".
so our CEO, Indra Nooyi, who gets $12 million + a year, has a blog. "Tales from the Road". nice. and all the little people get to post their thoughts. for about 2 weeks. So I posted this:
"Greetings from the Heartland.
-Core Competancies. What made Frito Lay great? The route representative that took ownership of his route. How has this changed/evolved since the growth of Walmart? The route representative has become a truck driver with less control than ever over decisions for the customer. Rigid adherence to planograms, prescheduled deliveries of products not ordered or wanted by route rep, out of control stale issues. Stack ranking 60% on selling, 40% on "not selling" or stale control. No annual review. Hiring recent college graduates to be managers while passing tenured reps with college degrees. "I read it in a book" mentality. You can't talk the talk if you haven't walked the walk. Back to Basics core competancy, especially in times of economic hardship. Customers are passing on $4 bags of potato chips, Lays = a luxury item. That's just wrong. Lays/Doritos are a comfort food and should be the first in the cart. Thank you."
So that's what I put out there for the whole Frito Lay world to see. and then the blog came down. hmm. wonder what that's all about. I wonder if my comments were too controversial? Dear God, don't let the boss know that there's a problem! send in the cheerleaders!!! STAT! and so the Rise and the Fall of the Frito Empire continues.
ahh, blogging is such a cathartic feeling. doesn't matter if it doesn't get read, at some point, maybe, the obvious will be noticed. good gosh I'm in fantasy land! naive, yes, that's the word, when the obvious is noticed! all I can do is protect myself on the slide down, since that's what I see in the crystal ball. don't buy Pepsico stock! put the 401k in mutual funds! that's the little voice in my head that's seen this type of head in the sand mentality before at Xerox. watched the ole' stock drop with the market share. from $100 a share to $6. free fall isn't fun in the real world.
well off to the 60 hour week plus the 10 hour drive time commute. who needs a life? all for a whopping $5 an hour in a bad week, $10 a hour in a good week. why? to live out in the woods where it is quiet. my happy place. the sound of the "peepers" in the spring. little froggies that don't know any else. the daffodils pushing up in random places where old homesteads once were... the only sound, birds, thousands of birds, jays, turkey, wood peckers, doves. the choir of singing from nature. the happy place, listening to the sun come up, the choir of birds announcing the new day. a rooster here and there, to remind that civilization is at the doorstep.
see, I'm not that cynical - - just can't believe how isolated the decision process gets.
so our CEO, Indra Nooyi, who gets $12 million + a year, has a blog. "Tales from the Road". nice. and all the little people get to post their thoughts. for about 2 weeks. So I posted this:
"Greetings from the Heartland.
-Core Competancies. What made Frito Lay great? The route representative that took ownership of his route. How has this changed/evolved since the growth of Walmart? The route representative has become a truck driver with less control than ever over decisions for the customer. Rigid adherence to planograms, prescheduled deliveries of products not ordered or wanted by route rep, out of control stale issues. Stack ranking 60% on selling, 40% on "not selling" or stale control. No annual review. Hiring recent college graduates to be managers while passing tenured reps with college degrees. "I read it in a book" mentality. You can't talk the talk if you haven't walked the walk. Back to Basics core competancy, especially in times of economic hardship. Customers are passing on $4 bags of potato chips, Lays = a luxury item. That's just wrong. Lays/Doritos are a comfort food and should be the first in the cart. Thank you."
So that's what I put out there for the whole Frito Lay world to see. and then the blog came down. hmm. wonder what that's all about. I wonder if my comments were too controversial? Dear God, don't let the boss know that there's a problem! send in the cheerleaders!!! STAT! and so the Rise and the Fall of the Frito Empire continues.
ahh, blogging is such a cathartic feeling. doesn't matter if it doesn't get read, at some point, maybe, the obvious will be noticed. good gosh I'm in fantasy land! naive, yes, that's the word, when the obvious is noticed! all I can do is protect myself on the slide down, since that's what I see in the crystal ball. don't buy Pepsico stock! put the 401k in mutual funds! that's the little voice in my head that's seen this type of head in the sand mentality before at Xerox. watched the ole' stock drop with the market share. from $100 a share to $6. free fall isn't fun in the real world.
well off to the 60 hour week plus the 10 hour drive time commute. who needs a life? all for a whopping $5 an hour in a bad week, $10 a hour in a good week. why? to live out in the woods where it is quiet. my happy place. the sound of the "peepers" in the spring. little froggies that don't know any else. the daffodils pushing up in random places where old homesteads once were... the only sound, birds, thousands of birds, jays, turkey, wood peckers, doves. the choir of singing from nature. the happy place, listening to the sun come up, the choir of birds announcing the new day. a rooster here and there, to remind that civilization is at the doorstep.
see, I'm not that cynical - - just can't believe how isolated the decision process gets.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
on tv
So I actually sat down and turned the tv on last night. NOW I remember why I never watch tv! What a bunch of trivial crap! So my plot for Crazy Land is starting to look like it might really have something here. On Friday night we have Howie putting blue paint on a woman's face - how is that funny? another channel features a reality show where a woman is yelling at a man - why do I want to expose myself to that kind of hostility? and then there's Ghost Whisperer - who told J. Love Hewitt she could act? really, really, realllllly lame. and story lines? recycled, reused, boring. Pretty bad when Andy of Mayberry looks like it was better than what's on now.
So Crazy Land would feature one person's story each week. Mine would be the adventure of the worn out truck, and trying to survive. With 10 people, there would be enough for a series.... what's that 20 shows for a season..? and filmed as cameos for the stars, no heavy payroll for star power - just spread the money around. I have casting opportunites for Mike Myers, David Spade, Steve Martin, Will Ferrell, Harrison Ford, Brendan Fraser... the list goes on and on. and of course, the stars... Beyonce & Charlize Theron (recreating her Monster role). I can see a scene where the 2 female leads look in a mirror and see the other person as their reflection - on a pure humorous level. The two women could be standing side by side, then their images melding into a single person that eventually becomes me - fuzzy of course since my ananimity (sp?) needs to be preserved. Being famous costs entirely tooo much. The loss of freedom for being a star costs too much of a person's life. The very best acting gig in the whole world is Elvira. Vamped to the max - big wig, unique costume, only has to work 2 months a year - September, October in the lead up to Halloween - big cutouts to use for beer ads - and when the day is over and the warpaint comes off - no one knows who Elvira really is! complete artistic freedom. as long as she doesn't pull a Pee Wee Herman and beat off in public porn palaces. Losing the comic genius of Pee Wee Herman is just tragic. Pee Wee's Playhouse was one of the best kid's programming ever. EVER. and Pee Wee's Big Adventure? one of the best movies of all time. (who's a fan?) Pee Wee II - not so much. But to castigate Paul Reubens for being a perv? - he's not a freakin' child molester for goodness sake. The innocence of Pee Wee is gone, but the memory lives.
so now after that rant - all you tv producers out there - - I have a script idea, with a little artistic control - we could have the next great program. focusing on work insanity and the split personality of working for a major corporation. A King of Queens, but more work and less bitchy wife.
and Sue, thanks for your support! ;-)
So Crazy Land would feature one person's story each week. Mine would be the adventure of the worn out truck, and trying to survive. With 10 people, there would be enough for a series.... what's that 20 shows for a season..? and filmed as cameos for the stars, no heavy payroll for star power - just spread the money around. I have casting opportunites for Mike Myers, David Spade, Steve Martin, Will Ferrell, Harrison Ford, Brendan Fraser... the list goes on and on. and of course, the stars... Beyonce & Charlize Theron (recreating her Monster role). I can see a scene where the 2 female leads look in a mirror and see the other person as their reflection - on a pure humorous level. The two women could be standing side by side, then their images melding into a single person that eventually becomes me - fuzzy of course since my ananimity (sp?) needs to be preserved. Being famous costs entirely tooo much. The loss of freedom for being a star costs too much of a person's life. The very best acting gig in the whole world is Elvira. Vamped to the max - big wig, unique costume, only has to work 2 months a year - September, October in the lead up to Halloween - big cutouts to use for beer ads - and when the day is over and the warpaint comes off - no one knows who Elvira really is! complete artistic freedom. as long as she doesn't pull a Pee Wee Herman and beat off in public porn palaces. Losing the comic genius of Pee Wee Herman is just tragic. Pee Wee's Playhouse was one of the best kid's programming ever. EVER. and Pee Wee's Big Adventure? one of the best movies of all time. (who's a fan?) Pee Wee II - not so much. But to castigate Paul Reubens for being a perv? - he's not a freakin' child molester for goodness sake. The innocence of Pee Wee is gone, but the memory lives.
so now after that rant - all you tv producers out there - - I have a script idea, with a little artistic control - we could have the next great program. focusing on work insanity and the split personality of working for a major corporation. A King of Queens, but more work and less bitchy wife.
and Sue, thanks for your support! ;-)
Friday, March 6, 2009
Crazy Land
As promised, "Crazy Land". Picture Vanilla Sky/12 Monkeys meets The Office. (This is my pitch to any tv execs looking for a new concept).
It's a reality show with schzophrenic (sp!) tendancies. The cast of characters are real, the situations are real, the crazyness is real. The spin, using actors & actresses in the place of the real people.
For example, my character, Jeanne Patterson is played by 2 actresses. I choose Beyonce for "the upgrade" and the "Monster" actress (whose name eludes me at the moment but will appear in a minute) as "the reality". I, Jeanne Patterson, will narrate (like Desperate Housewives)...
ok, so now you are thinking - she realllly needs to get a life & turn the tv off. yeppers. but it's about the only way to get through an enormously ridiculous situation. let the ole' imagination run wild with it.
so in the upgrade, Beyonce is dancing around in white, moving cases of Fritos like they are empty & wired together (which of course, they are). It's July, and she's barely breaking a sweat. singing and dancing. It's a hot number for all the adolescent males out there - white booty shorts, a skimpy tank top - oh yeah, the upgrade. Cut, print. now the reality. Our Monster actress, looking like she did in that movie, sweating like a pig, dirty, hair frazzled due to the humidity, wrestling cases of Fritos which weigh a ton. a tower of chips falls, the cursing like a sailor - all bleeped out of course. cut, print. this is hilariously funny if you work in the industry - since the upgrade is what the recruiters would have you believe.... and just think if you want to hire, all men would love to work with Beyonce, all women would want to look like her.
This could be filmed as cameo shots, then pieced together for a weekly series.
There's winter scenes - Beyonce driving a totally pimped out Frito truck - flashy rims, big tires, leather upholstery, great sound system - great graphics, the works. oh yeah, lemme let you upgrade. She wearing a white fur jacket, going down perfectly clear roads with snow all plowed away.
Reality, a worn out spare truck with no heater and an exhaust leak (causing carbon monoxide exposure) during an ice storm. My truck is in the shop because Frito doesn't want to buy a pair of tires due to budget constraints. I swear Frito was trying to kill me. driving on a narrow, winding country road, no heat, 12 degrees outside, sleet turning to ice on my wind shield. armed with a can of de icer, I made my way back to the mechanic. Frito offered to rent a spare truck rather than get tires. where does this make sense? Crazy Land, of course. The cost of a spare would be three times the cost of a pair of tires, but comes from a different budget. for God's sake, get a grip. I had them take the tires off the hazardous spare truck & put them on my truck so I could keep my windshield from freezing over.
yes, this is where the Zone management tells us to make sure we stay hydrated in the winter. I tell them of course it's harder than summer since the water bottles in my truck are always frozen. The zone managers give me the oddest looks when I say this - like "Huh? did she say the water is frozen in her truck?" yes, and that's the way it is, in reality, in Crazy Land.
It's a reality show with schzophrenic (sp!) tendancies. The cast of characters are real, the situations are real, the crazyness is real. The spin, using actors & actresses in the place of the real people.
For example, my character, Jeanne Patterson is played by 2 actresses. I choose Beyonce for "the upgrade" and the "Monster" actress (whose name eludes me at the moment but will appear in a minute) as "the reality". I, Jeanne Patterson, will narrate (like Desperate Housewives)...
ok, so now you are thinking - she realllly needs to get a life & turn the tv off. yeppers. but it's about the only way to get through an enormously ridiculous situation. let the ole' imagination run wild with it.
so in the upgrade, Beyonce is dancing around in white, moving cases of Fritos like they are empty & wired together (which of course, they are). It's July, and she's barely breaking a sweat. singing and dancing. It's a hot number for all the adolescent males out there - white booty shorts, a skimpy tank top - oh yeah, the upgrade. Cut, print. now the reality. Our Monster actress, looking like she did in that movie, sweating like a pig, dirty, hair frazzled due to the humidity, wrestling cases of Fritos which weigh a ton. a tower of chips falls, the cursing like a sailor - all bleeped out of course. cut, print. this is hilariously funny if you work in the industry - since the upgrade is what the recruiters would have you believe.... and just think if you want to hire, all men would love to work with Beyonce, all women would want to look like her.
This could be filmed as cameo shots, then pieced together for a weekly series.
There's winter scenes - Beyonce driving a totally pimped out Frito truck - flashy rims, big tires, leather upholstery, great sound system - great graphics, the works. oh yeah, lemme let you upgrade. She wearing a white fur jacket, going down perfectly clear roads with snow all plowed away.
Reality, a worn out spare truck with no heater and an exhaust leak (causing carbon monoxide exposure) during an ice storm. My truck is in the shop because Frito doesn't want to buy a pair of tires due to budget constraints. I swear Frito was trying to kill me. driving on a narrow, winding country road, no heat, 12 degrees outside, sleet turning to ice on my wind shield. armed with a can of de icer, I made my way back to the mechanic. Frito offered to rent a spare truck rather than get tires. where does this make sense? Crazy Land, of course. The cost of a spare would be three times the cost of a pair of tires, but comes from a different budget. for God's sake, get a grip. I had them take the tires off the hazardous spare truck & put them on my truck so I could keep my windshield from freezing over.
yes, this is where the Zone management tells us to make sure we stay hydrated in the winter. I tell them of course it's harder than summer since the water bottles in my truck are always frozen. The zone managers give me the oddest looks when I say this - like "Huh? did she say the water is frozen in her truck?" yes, and that's the way it is, in reality, in Crazy Land.
Monday, March 2, 2009
When is a raise Not a Raise?
Your hypothetical question for the day: When is a raise not a raise? When it's in the Frito Empire. As a route sales rep, my pay is 100% commission on this route. It's a flat rate 11% on sales. So when Frito raises the price on chips, I get a raise. Hypothetically. The problem is, when the prices go up, the sales go down. oh dear. so there's not really a raise until customers get so dang hungry for potato chips they just eat it. or there's a snow scare. For some reason, snow in the state of Missouri has the ferocious potential of a rabid pit bull. Now, this is different from an ice storm, like the one in '07 that killed electricity to house for 13 days. But snow seems to make everyone go crazy to get stuff. yikes! there's an inch of snow, we need potato chips, STAT!!! works for me, Go Frito!
So when the price on chips is so high that sales stall and go into a tail spin, what does management do? Logic would say, if costs have gone down, just as fuel costs.. then the price of the chips should go down. ahhh, but that was pitched to the route folks as a raise, so Frito can't take away the so called raise, even though it depressed the hell out of sales, which lowered the income, therefore, a raise that's not a raise. Makes sense in Frito land. So the next step? make the bags bigger and keep the price the same until the hungry slobs pay for the chips without the 20% bigger bag label. The American consumer really is as dumb as a post. me included.
next blog, my vision of Frito, "Crazy Land" with a giant thank you to Will Ferrell in Zoolander - - that's where I am..... Craaazy Land.
So when the price on chips is so high that sales stall and go into a tail spin, what does management do? Logic would say, if costs have gone down, just as fuel costs.. then the price of the chips should go down. ahhh, but that was pitched to the route folks as a raise, so Frito can't take away the so called raise, even though it depressed the hell out of sales, which lowered the income, therefore, a raise that's not a raise. Makes sense in Frito land. So the next step? make the bags bigger and keep the price the same until the hungry slobs pay for the chips without the 20% bigger bag label. The American consumer really is as dumb as a post. me included.
next blog, my vision of Frito, "Crazy Land" with a giant thank you to Will Ferrell in Zoolander - - that's where I am..... Craaazy Land.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Rise & Fall of the Frito Empire
History failed to be learned is doomed to repeat. or some such crap. The point is, if you don't learn from your mistakes, or the mistakes of others, all you are is a hamster in an exercise wheel.
My point? The drum roll... and a history lesson from a person in the cast of characters.
Years ago, I was hired right out of college to work at Xerox Corporation. Wow. I was jazzed. Xerox was a great company, fantastic products, a future. In 1979, Xerox OWNED the marketplace in small copiers. 92% marketshare is total domination. There's nothing like being part of a freefall into the toilet to make a person sensitive to management stupidity. And losing as much marketshare as Xerox did could only be management stupidity. "We make the best dang buggy whips around and that's exactly what we are going to keep doing!" Picture the ostrich with it's head in the sand, denial of a problem. or better yet....hiring cheerleaders as managers. but that's another story.
So, decades later, after running and selling my own successful business, I am back in the ranks of the corporate employees. And still sensitive to the stupidity of managers that have no idea what their decisions are doing.
And so, to the Rise and Fall of the Frito Empire, I salute you. Yes, with that finger.
Frito has made the dubious decision to hire in managers, rather than promote from the ranks of the folks that have actually DONE the job. Oh, I hear HR & middle managers shouting, no wait, that's not what we are doing! uh, yeah, that's what you are doing. When you hire from the outside, no matter at what level, you are freezing the manpower into their current spot. You are hiring people that have no idea what the business is actually about at the front line. and yes, "front line" is TWO words. talk about ignorant. like not knowing the difference between their and there. "Frontline" is a trade name for fipronil, a material used to control fleas and ticks on dogs & cats. or a tv show. but I rant...
So I sit in the front line, slinging potato chips in grocery stores and c stores, wondering how long it will take before the empire collapses upon itself.
In the old days, when the economy started to turn sour, management was compressed to cut overhead. ahh, but in the Xerox model, when business gets bad, the corporation ADDS managers! get out them buggy whips. and so Frito is repeating history. Business is bad, so let's add more managers. Instead of a district sales leader having more heads to watch, let's add recent college graduates with no experience to be additional managers. huh? in what reality does that make sense? oh that's right, the cheerleader reality. you know the one - "Go Team Go". The ultimate filters of reality, the cheerleader. The team is down 114 to 60 and the cheerleaders are out there jumping around, yelling and screaming for their losing team to go, go, go, they can do it! and so the downfall of the American economy can be ultimately traced to the rise of the American cheerleader in business. You don't shoot the messenger if the messenger is a cheerleader, since the news is never bad!
I do like my Frito gig, generally. I do my job, I get left alone. It's just when I am told that my tenure in the company is not as valuable as a recent college graduate, since recent college graduates have more relevant experience because they were members of fraternities. again, what reality does that make sense in? I liked my job better when I had the illusion of opportunity. Opportunity for advancement. Getting off the truck before I was too broken down to do other jobs within the company.
so why "The Rise & Fall of the Frito Empire" - - history is repeating itself. and all I can see is potato chips that have been priced out of the reach of the everyday consumer. Potato chips as a luxury item. When I see customers WANT that bag of Lays so bad, but tell me over and over, "I just can't pay $4 for a bag of potato chips", and Frito comes up with a smaller bag, rather than cut overhead (that would mean people that don't actually touch a bag of chips that makes the profit for the company would need to go) so the price can come down. We are just ripe for another company to come in and take away our marketshare. Take away our lunch and kick sand in our collective faces. But add another manager that "read it in a book" and all will be well. uh huh... in what reality?
My point? The drum roll... and a history lesson from a person in the cast of characters.
Years ago, I was hired right out of college to work at Xerox Corporation. Wow. I was jazzed. Xerox was a great company, fantastic products, a future. In 1979, Xerox OWNED the marketplace in small copiers. 92% marketshare is total domination. There's nothing like being part of a freefall into the toilet to make a person sensitive to management stupidity. And losing as much marketshare as Xerox did could only be management stupidity. "We make the best dang buggy whips around and that's exactly what we are going to keep doing!" Picture the ostrich with it's head in the sand, denial of a problem. or better yet....hiring cheerleaders as managers. but that's another story.
So, decades later, after running and selling my own successful business, I am back in the ranks of the corporate employees. And still sensitive to the stupidity of managers that have no idea what their decisions are doing.
And so, to the Rise and Fall of the Frito Empire, I salute you. Yes, with that finger.
Frito has made the dubious decision to hire in managers, rather than promote from the ranks of the folks that have actually DONE the job. Oh, I hear HR & middle managers shouting, no wait, that's not what we are doing! uh, yeah, that's what you are doing. When you hire from the outside, no matter at what level, you are freezing the manpower into their current spot. You are hiring people that have no idea what the business is actually about at the front line. and yes, "front line" is TWO words. talk about ignorant. like not knowing the difference between their and there. "Frontline" is a trade name for fipronil, a material used to control fleas and ticks on dogs & cats. or a tv show. but I rant...
So I sit in the front line, slinging potato chips in grocery stores and c stores, wondering how long it will take before the empire collapses upon itself.
In the old days, when the economy started to turn sour, management was compressed to cut overhead. ahh, but in the Xerox model, when business gets bad, the corporation ADDS managers! get out them buggy whips. and so Frito is repeating history. Business is bad, so let's add more managers. Instead of a district sales leader having more heads to watch, let's add recent college graduates with no experience to be additional managers. huh? in what reality does that make sense? oh that's right, the cheerleader reality. you know the one - "Go Team Go". The ultimate filters of reality, the cheerleader. The team is down 114 to 60 and the cheerleaders are out there jumping around, yelling and screaming for their losing team to go, go, go, they can do it! and so the downfall of the American economy can be ultimately traced to the rise of the American cheerleader in business. You don't shoot the messenger if the messenger is a cheerleader, since the news is never bad!
I do like my Frito gig, generally. I do my job, I get left alone. It's just when I am told that my tenure in the company is not as valuable as a recent college graduate, since recent college graduates have more relevant experience because they were members of fraternities. again, what reality does that make sense in? I liked my job better when I had the illusion of opportunity. Opportunity for advancement. Getting off the truck before I was too broken down to do other jobs within the company.
so why "The Rise & Fall of the Frito Empire" - - history is repeating itself. and all I can see is potato chips that have been priced out of the reach of the everyday consumer. Potato chips as a luxury item. When I see customers WANT that bag of Lays so bad, but tell me over and over, "I just can't pay $4 for a bag of potato chips", and Frito comes up with a smaller bag, rather than cut overhead (that would mean people that don't actually touch a bag of chips that makes the profit for the company would need to go) so the price can come down. We are just ripe for another company to come in and take away our marketshare. Take away our lunch and kick sand in our collective faces. But add another manager that "read it in a book" and all will be well. uh huh... in what reality?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Day One
Years ago, when in high school, an aptitude test was given to all graduating seniors. The test results would direct you to careers for your success. So what happens when you are in 100% in all the sections? That's no direction at all. "You can do anything you want to"... Wouldn't it be easier if I was stupid? Then there would be limits to my aspirations. I could be a dishwasher or a cook if I had the aptitude. So with no help whatsoever, off I was thrown into life. Fly little bird, Fly.
Currently, I am buried in a job that could be titled, "The Rise and Fall of the Frito Empire". There's nothing more grounding than be stuck in a low paying, dead end job, with no hope of advancement where you are told nearly daily, "be grateful you have a job". Especially when I have 15 years experience as a VP/CFO of a multimillion dollar corporation and a Master's degree from Pepperdine University. Yep, working for less than $10 an hour can really make you feel grounded, all right.
How in the world did I land here? by choice of course. After 9/11, I fled LA LA land for good. There's nothing like feeling you are living under a giant target, just waiting for a terrorist attack to kill you and your family. I was born and raised in Southern California, a post card perfect life. When you skip past the Watts riots and Rodney King riots... My mother, God bless her, bought some land, waaay out in the woods after the Watts riots. When you can see the glow of the fires burning down the cities, you think about things like a place to get away. After 9/11, it just seemed like it was time to do a reverse migration from California. It wasn't a sudden move, it had been planned for several years as "what we will do when it's time to retire", it's just that 9/11 put into operation, NOW.
What happens during a reverse migration? For all the best laid plans, there are giant potholes waiting to swallow you. All you can do is pull yourself out of them, modify plans and keep going. I am where I want to be. The job sucks. The so called "benefits" are awful. But I do have a job. It mostly pays the bills, but isn't what I was told it would be. Welcome to life. If the plans had worked right, I wouldn't be working at all, I'd be retired, playing farmer. Far, far away from the crowded cities and violence. Safe. That part is true and makes it all worth it.
Currently, I am buried in a job that could be titled, "The Rise and Fall of the Frito Empire". There's nothing more grounding than be stuck in a low paying, dead end job, with no hope of advancement where you are told nearly daily, "be grateful you have a job". Especially when I have 15 years experience as a VP/CFO of a multimillion dollar corporation and a Master's degree from Pepperdine University. Yep, working for less than $10 an hour can really make you feel grounded, all right.
How in the world did I land here? by choice of course. After 9/11, I fled LA LA land for good. There's nothing like feeling you are living under a giant target, just waiting for a terrorist attack to kill you and your family. I was born and raised in Southern California, a post card perfect life. When you skip past the Watts riots and Rodney King riots... My mother, God bless her, bought some land, waaay out in the woods after the Watts riots. When you can see the glow of the fires burning down the cities, you think about things like a place to get away. After 9/11, it just seemed like it was time to do a reverse migration from California. It wasn't a sudden move, it had been planned for several years as "what we will do when it's time to retire", it's just that 9/11 put into operation, NOW.
What happens during a reverse migration? For all the best laid plans, there are giant potholes waiting to swallow you. All you can do is pull yourself out of them, modify plans and keep going. I am where I want to be. The job sucks. The so called "benefits" are awful. But I do have a job. It mostly pays the bills, but isn't what I was told it would be. Welcome to life. If the plans had worked right, I wouldn't be working at all, I'd be retired, playing farmer. Far, far away from the crowded cities and violence. Safe. That part is true and makes it all worth it.
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