Crazy Land

As promised, "Crazy Land". Picture Vanilla Sky/12 Monkeys meets The Office. (This is my pitch to any tv execs looking for a new concept).

It's a reality show with schzophrenic (sp!) tendancies. The cast of characters are real, the situations are real, the crazyness is real. The spin, using actors & actresses in the place of the real people.

For example, my character, Jeanne Patterson is played by 2 actresses. I choose Beyonce for "the upgrade" and the "Monster" actress (whose name eludes me at the moment but will appear in a minute) as "the reality". I, Jeanne Patterson, will narrate (like Desperate Housewives)...

ok, so now you are thinking - she realllly needs to get a life & turn the tv off. yeppers. but it's about the only way to get through an enormously ridiculous situation. let the ole' imagination run wild with it.

so in the upgrade, Beyonce is dancing around in white, moving cases of Fritos like they are empty & wired together (which of course, they are). It's July, and she's barely breaking a sweat. singing and dancing. It's a hot number for all the adolescent males out there - white booty shorts, a skimpy tank top - oh yeah, the upgrade. Cut, print. now the reality. Our Monster actress, looking like she did in that movie, sweating like a pig, dirty, hair frazzled due to the humidity, wrestling cases of Fritos which weigh a ton. a tower of chips falls, the cursing like a sailor - all bleeped out of course. cut, print. this is hilariously funny if you work in the industry - since the upgrade is what the recruiters would have you believe.... and just think if you want to hire, all men would love to work with Beyonce, all women would want to look like her.

This could be filmed as cameo shots, then pieced together for a weekly series.

There's winter scenes - Beyonce driving a totally pimped out Frito truck - flashy rims, big tires, leather upholstery, great sound system - great graphics, the works. oh yeah, lemme let you upgrade. She wearing a white fur jacket, going down perfectly clear roads with snow all plowed away.

Reality, a worn out spare truck with no heater and an exhaust leak (causing carbon monoxide exposure) during an ice storm. My truck is in the shop because Frito doesn't want to buy a pair of tires due to budget constraints. I swear Frito was trying to kill me. driving on a narrow, winding country road, no heat, 12 degrees outside, sleet turning to ice on my wind shield. armed with a can of de icer, I made my way back to the mechanic. Frito offered to rent a spare truck rather than get tires. where does this make sense? Crazy Land, of course. The cost of a spare would be three times the cost of a pair of tires, but comes from a different budget. for God's sake, get a grip. I had them take the tires off the hazardous spare truck & put them on my truck so I could keep my windshield from freezing over.

yes, this is where the Zone management tells us to make sure we stay hydrated in the winter. I tell them of course it's harder than summer since the water bottles in my truck are always frozen. The zone managers give me the oddest looks when I say this - like "Huh? did she say the water is frozen in her truck?" yes, and that's the way it is, in reality, in Crazy Land.